It’s hard to sum up a person’s life experiences on one page so I’m just going to share with you the part of my story that’s most relevant to the work I’m doing now.
I decided to start a branding and web design business while I was working at a marketing agency. I really felt joy when I was helping others with their websites and branding. At the time I was blogging, so not actually hands on with the websites and design work, but I felt that pull still.
I started to create a vision of myself helping women who felt like friends to build their online presence. I started seeing myself helping my yoga instructor and my energy healer. It was an easy thought because I knew these women so well. I could feel their design ideas, I could see their visions. I saw us having coffee together, laughing, hugging, it was all so perfect!
Then, I got fired…and way too soon I might add!
I had no paying clients, no real idea besides my day dreams, and certainly no solid ground to land on. This was a far from ideal leap into entrepreneurship, but I trusted that God was doing for me what I could not do for myself. Truly, I’m a people pleaser (working on this) so the idea of quitting a job that I really enjoyed felt terrible!
My first year in business was pretty fun. I was still doing side jobs and enjoying the process of building my own following online. But then things took a turn for the worst. The more I learned, the more I saw, the more sucked into the vortex of masculine online business I went. I started to truly believe that the things I needed were outside of me.
I started to make unconscious investments into coaching and programs that didn’t seem to help. I started to feel this weight come over me, the onset of anxiety and even a few panic attacks. I started to feel angry at God because…why was I being punished for trying to live out my dreams? I was here to help people, so why couldn’t I even manage to pay my bills?
I felt a lot of shame around this and honestly, never really told anyone just how bad it was.
Eventually I had a full on breakdown. I lost all the money in my bank, maxed out every credit card, and had no idea who I was anymore. I was defining myself by the monthly revenue I made (or lack there of) and the crowd I ran with on Facebook.
There was no strategy, no person, and no quick fix that was going to save me this time. Believe me, I tried! I knew in this moment it was time to pick myself up off the floor and start again. It’s not that I was doing the wrong things, it’s that I was doing them for the wrong reasons.
I was trying to please everyone around me and never taking a moment to ask myself what it was that I really wanted. I saw other people having a lot of financial success as business coaches so I would try to create business coaching packages and then I would have zero response from my audience.
On a plane, after a series of even more breakdowns, I got real with myself. This time it was more like, “Okay, I quit. I give up trying to control this because clearly it’s not working. What should I be doing? How am I going to pay the bills? How am I going to find my spark again for life?”
My soul very clearly responded: You’re a free spirited designer, stop trying to be someone else. Let yourself be where you are right now. Go change the content on your website and create YOUR web design and branding services.
Instant relief!! That moment when you drop out of a race that you were not even supposed to be running in. This is making me laugh out loud right now because I ran track in high school and was literally only there for the social aspects.
Back to the story…an hour after our plane landed, I got a message from a woman looking for EXACTLY the service that I mapped out on the plane.
Okay, Universe, I get it! Thank you.
So here I am today. Today, I am working on the ease and flow in my life. I’m designing websites from my home office, enjoying more walks with my dog, and letting my spiritual practice lead each day.
I’m guessing if you’re here, and still reading this, you have been in a similar situation. You’ve probably felt that pressure to be like the rest of them online. To buy into all the strategies and magical formulas that promise BIG results but then don’t seem to work for you.
You and I girl, we’re not like the rest of them. We are part of the Lightworker movement. We are the one’s here to heal the world and we cannot do business the old way.
So come, let’s join forces and together we will build the business that is aligned with your soul! Let me be your cheerleader, your spiritual guide, and your designer. Let me do some of the heavy lifting so you can be the dreamer.